Wednesday, August 05, 2009

The Wednesday What's It

Makes you wonder.....

Have to pass this next one on with thanks from my friend down the coast

Just in case you are having a rough day, here is a stress management
technique recommended in all the latest psychological journals. The
funny thing is that it really does work and will make you smile..

1. Picture yourself lying on your belly on a warm rock that
hangs out over a crystal clear stream.

2. Picture yourself with both your hands dangling in the cool
running water.

3. Birds are sweetly singing in the cool mountain air.

4. No one knows your secret place.

5. You are in total seclusion from that hectic place called the

6. The soothing sound of a gentle water fall fills the air with
a cascade of serenity.

7. The water is so crystal clear that you can easily make out
the face of the person you are holding underwater.

There!! See? It really does work... You're smiling already. Feel free to forward this if you know others who might benefit from this technique.

Now here are some more to - hopefully - make you laugh

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation hardly feel my hands & feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92; have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, “For fast relief".

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing.

THE SENILITY PRAYER: Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!

And here is something else.........

A 70-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
The Receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?"
"There's something wrong with my dick", he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that."
"Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.
The Receptionist replied; "Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people."
"You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private."
The man replied, "You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone."
The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.
The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes??"
"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.
The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
"And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?"
"I can't piss out of it," he replied.
The waiting room erupted in laughter.

Check out this
Wulfweard the White

and to keep you laughing
Bodnisattva in metro


SandyCarlson said...

Thanks for the laugh and the bemusement that has followed. What a great way to relax.

Wulfweard The White said...

thank you for the link have added you to my favoutit list.

kyles said...

Thanks for the giggle and the reminder to relax!